and the sun is rising
and the lovebirds chirping
and the bluest skies i see

when lighthouse plays
on tuesday morning
strange things happen to me

it’s like seducing
ten thousand virgins
in the corners of my mind

the clock stops ticking
the earth stops spinning
and my body starts to grind

i didn’t know how it started
or when it all began

when lighthouse plays
on tuesday morning
i don’t know who i am

*june 22, 2004, 4:30 pm

oh how i wish
you could unsay
all the words
that you have said
with all your
defiled prayers
and all your
feigned regrets

oh how i hope
with all my heart
with the certainty
of tides that
you could undo
what has
been done
with ‘let’s forget it’
or ‘let’s move on’

of all the things
that matter now
i couldn’t help
but cry aloud
‘what’s been said
was never true’
and ‘what’s been done
was not due you’

so now i wish
and hope thus far
and think what
could have been
if i just said
what i really feel
and did
what i really mean

*june 21, 2004, 2:32 pm

because i will
one day shut my mouth
and you will
one day find your peace
in my quietness

i will take pleasure
in not talking and
finding truth in the silence

that is YES but NO
or NO but YES…or
YES and NO…

somewhere in between…

and one day
you will cry not
because you’re hurting

but because you’re
happy and thankful
of that one day

when i kept my mouth shut
and every tear, this time,
will be justified

because you’re not
crying FOR ME anymore

but again, one day
you will be happy
and i won’t be there

because the day before,
i was gone
and all you could see
are phantoms in your head
the sweet memory of
gone summer that is ME

lurching, searching,
until it is lost…

and then again,
you will cry but
it feels GOOD this time

because you will know
that in my stillness,

i have been crying too…

*june 7, 2004, 7:15 pm